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On 2022

It feels like 2022 just began, but soon it will be gone. I think back to the first half of the year and seem to remember being a bit more relaxed than I am at this moment. In the second half of this year, it's as if I became a different person in ways that I didn't anticipate. I found myself even more aware of the preciousness of life, and in some ways, the true finality of life has terrified me. Is that healthy? Probably not, but it's where my heart is.

I found myself developing even deeper relationships with my parents, truly appreciating their presence in my life on a different level. Conversations with my grandparents are sweeter than before May 10th. As I write this, I am realizing I don't remember my last conversation with my Grandpa and that saddens me to my core.

There have been some truly sweet memories made this year- ones I hope to remember for years to come.

Times with the kiddos in my life have been bittersweet- moments reminding me of my desire to have kids of my own someday. I will hold onto the laughter, the tears, the meltdowns, the sleepovers, the creativity, the tantrums. I am grateful for the part I play in each of their lives and am eternally grateful for those in my life who explicitly trust me with their children despite my CP.

Friends can do wonders for the soul, and this year, I am grateful for the continued consistency of deep friendships. It is still true that my circle of those around me with whom I feel truly comfortable with is small, but it is a tight circle.

I have loved reconnecting with extended family, and as this year comes to a close, I think that has been one of the biggest blessings I wasn't expecting and didn't know my soul needed in this stage of life. We never know when a spontaneous decision can add something beautiful to our lives.

It's hard to say what's around the corner in 2023. But, I do know that God is still on the throne even as my faith has wavered. At the end of the day, with Him in control, there will always be brighter days ahead. He will catch me when I fall apart, no matter what. He will surround me with people who will love and support me, help and guide me, laugh with me, and listen to me.

Here's to reflecting on 2022 while moving forward to a beautiful 2023.

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