I've wanted to write this for so long, but the words never come. It's as if writing this means saying hello to the new, but also with that comes a goodbye I'm not sure my heart can handle. God has been working on my heart for over a year, beginning first with the unexpected death of my Grandpa, but culminating in a very unexpected conversation which reminded me in a very real way that I was running from God, that my heart was no longer "in" my relationship with Christ: realizing that Jesus was the furthest thing from the center of my life, realizing that my testimony was effectively down the drain, not because I was living in some gross sin, but because I was living a very lukewarm version of Christianity. As I went to bed that night, I wept for what was to come, for what I knew I needed to do. It's amazing how when our hearts are right with God, when we have a desire to live for Him, we see life through that lens, how when we are vulnerable, our hearts can h...