Just a Thought or Two

Monday morning I woke up after the most real dream I have ever had- it blanketed me in such sweet sadness that I almost couldn't bring myself to fully wake up and begin my hectic day. I dreamt that I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. It was so real; so sweet; so sad. I desperately wanted to share it with someone- not for sympathy or equal sadness- I just wanted to be listened to. I couldn't do it, though. I made the call, but couldn't share it- it affected me that much. In the four days since, it's still very much at the forefront of my mind. It would have been easy for me to continue in sadness, but instead I chose to put a positive spin on all of it. I am so very blessed with some sweet "babies" in my life: my girls- the original three who will forever have my heart, whom I've had the pleasure of watching turn into three amazing young ladies; Team D- the three who will forever mean so much- I will cherish the silly conversations with Rebecca, the a...

Tonight as my aide was getting ready to leave, she reiterated to me how impressed she was with how well I do and how accomplished I am. Honestly, I've heard that all of my life, but a lot lately, and usually I just shrug it off. I don't try to be that person. And sometimes, as silly as it sounds, I tire of being praised. I just do what I've always done, what my parents expect of me, what I want to do. I strive to never give up, to always laugh, and to keep trying until I succeed. I improvise, I compensate, and utilize resources. I depend on people to listen. I know my limitations and know when to ask for help. I ensure that my disability isn't going to be the reason I can't do something. If I struggle with something, it's likely a result of CP, but it will never be an excuse to not do it. I have and have had a great support system. Parents who love and push me. Sisters who help me, even when they may not want to. Family who love me no m...

For whatever reason, these last few days, I have felt out of sorts and down. But, I refuse to stay there, so read on. Tonight, I am thankful for laughter at work and for friends that help me always stay positive. Tonight, I am thankful for a great office filled with people who love to help people and each other. Tonight, I am thankful for ice cream. Tonight, I am thankful for consistent help in my home so that I can conserve energy- even at times when it's uncomfortably quiet and awkward. Tonight, I am thankful for PT so that sooner than later (hopefully) I will notice a decrease in the almost daily pain I experience. Tonight, I am thankful for listening ears who recognize that I just need to talk. Tonight, I am thankful that in two days I get to see my cousin, an amazingly talented young lady, graduate high school and begin the next chapter of her life. Tonight, I am thankful that in three days I get to see "my girls" graduate high school. I have looked f...

It is no secret that I tend to struggle with interacting with my peer group. And although I have accepted this, work through it, and do my best to move forward, it is often one of the hardest struggles I deal with. On one hand, it's a blessing, but on the other, it is a definite curse. I guess, as my first post eludes to, this is my "normal." From a very young age, I can remember preferring to spend time with those who, at the time, were much older than I was: teachers, therapists, etc. I just struggle with feeling comfortable while interacting with my peer group. As was stated in my part 1 post, I do think there's a legitimate reason why this is the case: while those my age were running, jumping, and playing, I often was with the adults simply because I could not run, jump, and play like those my age did. So, from a very young age, it was simply natural for me to be secluded from that group, and it was absolutely no one's fault, it just was. In writing this pos...

So many times in my life, I have talked (and still do) about how I hate change. But really, doesn't everybody? For a person that hates change- and believe me, I struggle with it to the extreme- I have come to the realization that I do an awful lot of it these days. And when I change things up, things go downhill so fast that it's terrifyingly overwhelming. In my experience dealing with many people with disabilities, in general, we, the "disability community" do in fact tend to struggle a lot with even the idea of change. I have recently gone through a period in which I was ready to walk away from all that I have worked so hard for. Just a month ago, I entertained the idea of looking elsewhere for employment simply because I had no routine to my work. I mean really, it's that simple. It was a sad reality when time and time again I insisted that what I do in my job was too much for me, that it was too hard for me to keep up with. I was furious that I was dea...