So many times in my life, I have talked (and still do) about how I hate
change. But really, doesn't everybody? For a person that hates change- and
believe me, I struggle with it to the extreme- I have come to the realization
that I do an awful lot of it these days. And when I change things up, things go
downhill so fast that it's terrifyingly overwhelming.
In my experience dealing with many people with disabilities, in general, we, the "disability community" do in fact tend to struggle a lot with even the idea of change. I have recently gone through a period in which I was ready to walk away from all that I have worked so hard for. Just a month ago, I entertained the idea of looking elsewhere for employment simply because I had no routine to my work. I mean really, it's that simple. It was a sad reality when time and time again I insisted that what I do in my job was too much for me, that it was too hard for me to keep up with. I was furious that I was dealing with this, seemingly all over again- 2+ years into this journey of professionalism. One night as I was feeling just about at the end of my rope, I typed a lengthy email to a woman I have such respect for, hoping that maybe she could shed some light on where I needed to go from here. As was expected, she did not tell me anything I did not already know about myself. But given that she has been a part of my life for 8+ years, her words always carry weight. As I read her reply days after I had begun to try to implement some changes, I again succumbed to feeling so overwhelmed.
I began to ask myself how in the world I had managed to excel through college, but yet seemingly come apart at the seams in the world of work. I was so busy in college, and yet never once did I doubt my abilities to get done what needed to be done. During one semester, I remember taking six classes and volunteering twice a week all day, and going to church three times a week- somehow I managed to pull off five A's and a B- crazy! Everything I did in college was very routine, and as such, I excelled because I was consistent in every area of my life- except for when I procrastinated on assignments!
I think that is the missing piece. If I'm not consistent, I will struggle, I will hate everything I do because there's no rhyme or reason to anything being done. And sure, most would tell you that I have been doing fine within the world of work prior to committing to consistency, but that is the furthest thing from the truth, I was so close to saying goodbye, it was scary.
Four weeks into being consistent on purpose, I feel so much better. Yes, I have so far to go, but I am so proud of the changes I have made, changes I have continued to stick with. That in itself is a huge indication of how I'm doing these days- the fact that I continue to stick with them. In the back of my mind, I am still worried about meeting my goals for work- I am sure I will not meet them. But, here's the beautiful thing, it will be okay, even if I don't. It's taken me awhile to realize that because I am so fearful of disappointing myself and others. It is not acceptable, but at the end of the day, it will be okay. The realization of that is tremendously freeing. It drives me to push myself harder day in and day out.
I hope that through reading this, some of you might recognize the need for, and benefit of consistency in your lives. At the end of the day, it will make such a difference. There will always be bumps in each of our roads, but we can't stay down forever: we must have the insight to recognize our strengths and weaknesses, the ability to process our circumstances, and the perspective to recognize that it really is all about our attitude.
In my experience dealing with many people with disabilities, in general, we, the "disability community" do in fact tend to struggle a lot with even the idea of change. I have recently gone through a period in which I was ready to walk away from all that I have worked so hard for. Just a month ago, I entertained the idea of looking elsewhere for employment simply because I had no routine to my work. I mean really, it's that simple. It was a sad reality when time and time again I insisted that what I do in my job was too much for me, that it was too hard for me to keep up with. I was furious that I was dealing with this, seemingly all over again- 2+ years into this journey of professionalism. One night as I was feeling just about at the end of my rope, I typed a lengthy email to a woman I have such respect for, hoping that maybe she could shed some light on where I needed to go from here. As was expected, she did not tell me anything I did not already know about myself. But given that she has been a part of my life for 8+ years, her words always carry weight. As I read her reply days after I had begun to try to implement some changes, I again succumbed to feeling so overwhelmed.
I began to ask myself how in the world I had managed to excel through college, but yet seemingly come apart at the seams in the world of work. I was so busy in college, and yet never once did I doubt my abilities to get done what needed to be done. During one semester, I remember taking six classes and volunteering twice a week all day, and going to church three times a week- somehow I managed to pull off five A's and a B- crazy! Everything I did in college was very routine, and as such, I excelled because I was consistent in every area of my life- except for when I procrastinated on assignments!
I think that is the missing piece. If I'm not consistent, I will struggle, I will hate everything I do because there's no rhyme or reason to anything being done. And sure, most would tell you that I have been doing fine within the world of work prior to committing to consistency, but that is the furthest thing from the truth, I was so close to saying goodbye, it was scary.
Four weeks into being consistent on purpose, I feel so much better. Yes, I have so far to go, but I am so proud of the changes I have made, changes I have continued to stick with. That in itself is a huge indication of how I'm doing these days- the fact that I continue to stick with them. In the back of my mind, I am still worried about meeting my goals for work- I am sure I will not meet them. But, here's the beautiful thing, it will be okay, even if I don't. It's taken me awhile to realize that because I am so fearful of disappointing myself and others. It is not acceptable, but at the end of the day, it will be okay. The realization of that is tremendously freeing. It drives me to push myself harder day in and day out.
I hope that through reading this, some of you might recognize the need for, and benefit of consistency in your lives. At the end of the day, it will make such a difference. There will always be bumps in each of our roads, but we can't stay down forever: we must have the insight to recognize our strengths and weaknesses, the ability to process our circumstances, and the perspective to recognize that it really is all about our attitude.
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