My Great-Grandma, Lois Fish, was an amazing woman. I have many memories of spending time at her house when I was younger, memories of playing on her back porch, memories of her coming to our house to sit with my sisters and I. In later years, I enjoyed calling her, going to visit her, and making her cookies.
I cannot believe she is gone. Still so fresh in my mind, I wanted to write down what I could in an effort to record my memories so as to not forget. Oh how I wish I would have done so when my Grandma Dineen died 20 years ago.
Every time I called my Grandma, she was truly so thrilled to hear from me. She was so lonely in recent years, and each time I ended the call, I promised myself I'd call her sooner than I had in the past. I spoke with her more than most, but as I reflect, it just wasn't enough.
When I moved back home, I was so excited because I could spend more time with her. I can count on one hand the number of times I went to visit her on my own in the last year. I will live with that for the rest of my life.
But, I will hold onto the good.
I envied her love of my Mom- she adored Mom, and told anyone who would listen just how much she loved her. So often, she said, "No one has done as much for me as your Mom." My Mom was her constant, their relationship so enviable. I always came away with a desire to be a better daughter. Grandma required it. I strive for a wonderful relationship with Mom, because she is a wonderful person who deserves love and respect.
I loved spending time with her, always bringing her cookies- it was always her one request. She loved them, and wouldn't ever share them. The littlest things brought her such joy!
Our conversations were beautiful, always ending the same way, "Call Grandma again, and come visit me when you can, honey." Every single time in recent years, she would ask for my number so she could call me. And usually, she would always tell me when she saw or talked to my Mom last. She was so quick to always tell me how proud she was of me. I tried to call her tonight after work, just so I could hear her voice, but her phone is already disconnected.
When I was younger, she would make chocolate, pouring it into molds. It is a smell that I will forever remember.
Saying goodbye to her wasn't exactly saying goodbye. I couldn't really talk at all while holding her hand- I didn't actually say goodbye. In truth, I flashed back to my Grandma Dineen. That's what it reminded me of. The shallow breathing, the rattle. It was so hard. But, I wanted to be there, not because I wanted that memory to stay with me, but because if that were me, when someday that is me, I want someone to hold my hand, even if it is difficult for them.
I am grateful I will see her again because of her faith in Jesus. She is healthy, happy, and whole, and she's with Jesus, praising Him! Oh, what a day that will be! Faith in the Lord, faith in Jesus, recognizing that He died for the sins of the world so we won't have to spend eternity in Hell, but instead with Him, how wonderful. I am so thankful for eternity; it makes the loss of my Grandma a little easier knowing I will see her again.
Life is a series of little moments. The little moments with my Grandma are what I will hold onto. I will strive to be better, more intentional. I will strive to be present always, to love, to laugh, to live.
I cannot believe she is gone. Still so fresh in my mind, I wanted to write down what I could in an effort to record my memories so as to not forget. Oh how I wish I would have done so when my Grandma Dineen died 20 years ago.
Every time I called my Grandma, she was truly so thrilled to hear from me. She was so lonely in recent years, and each time I ended the call, I promised myself I'd call her sooner than I had in the past. I spoke with her more than most, but as I reflect, it just wasn't enough.
When I moved back home, I was so excited because I could spend more time with her. I can count on one hand the number of times I went to visit her on my own in the last year. I will live with that for the rest of my life.
But, I will hold onto the good.
I envied her love of my Mom- she adored Mom, and told anyone who would listen just how much she loved her. So often, she said, "No one has done as much for me as your Mom." My Mom was her constant, their relationship so enviable. I always came away with a desire to be a better daughter. Grandma required it. I strive for a wonderful relationship with Mom, because she is a wonderful person who deserves love and respect.
I loved spending time with her, always bringing her cookies- it was always her one request. She loved them, and wouldn't ever share them. The littlest things brought her such joy!
Our conversations were beautiful, always ending the same way, "Call Grandma again, and come visit me when you can, honey." Every single time in recent years, she would ask for my number so she could call me. And usually, she would always tell me when she saw or talked to my Mom last. She was so quick to always tell me how proud she was of me. I tried to call her tonight after work, just so I could hear her voice, but her phone is already disconnected.
When I was younger, she would make chocolate, pouring it into molds. It is a smell that I will forever remember.
Saying goodbye to her wasn't exactly saying goodbye. I couldn't really talk at all while holding her hand- I didn't actually say goodbye. In truth, I flashed back to my Grandma Dineen. That's what it reminded me of. The shallow breathing, the rattle. It was so hard. But, I wanted to be there, not because I wanted that memory to stay with me, but because if that were me, when someday that is me, I want someone to hold my hand, even if it is difficult for them.
I am grateful I will see her again because of her faith in Jesus. She is healthy, happy, and whole, and she's with Jesus, praising Him! Oh, what a day that will be! Faith in the Lord, faith in Jesus, recognizing that He died for the sins of the world so we won't have to spend eternity in Hell, but instead with Him, how wonderful. I am so thankful for eternity; it makes the loss of my Grandma a little easier knowing I will see her again.
Life is a series of little moments. The little moments with my Grandma are what I will hold onto. I will strive to be better, more intentional. I will strive to be present always, to love, to laugh, to live.
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