Just a Thought or Two

Tonight I spent time on the phone with one of the most amazing friends I will ever have. She called terrified, scared, and overwhelmed- Lyss is unsure of anything at this point. Can she handle living on her own? How will she get to work? Can she handle the stress of a new job- her first real job? This post is not really about her next chapter, but instead how she got to where she is today. Cancer. Such an ugly thing- and this is my attempt to write about something that no one really likes to talk about. As I listened to Lyss stress, I wanted to weep. Like, really sob for her. At eight years old, she found herself in the midst of a journey that would forever change her life, I didn't know her prior to or during her fight with cancer, but cancer changed Lyss. In all of her struggles she has persevered in so many ways! Despite her challenges, she manages to never give up, despite the tears and many frustrations, she does an amazing job day in and day out! Many tend to easily become ...

I can't drive and I'm okay with that- most of the time. Today my driving ability- or lack thereof- was  brought up again as it often is because every other sentence out of my mouth usually is "I can't drive!" As I sit here tonight, I can't help but laugh hysterically about my inability to drive. Seriously, it is funny! Here are a few of my favorites that showcase that: The time I straddled the curb/road as a brand new freshman at Edinboro as I fell off the sidewalk because of my poor depth perception. There I was, lost (not saying much because I have no sense of direction whatsoever)! Overwhelmed at this point, I just wanted to go home- furious- I did not want to go where I was going. Okay, so now that we've set the "feeling" stage. It was an early Tuesday evening in Edinboro- near a cluster of academic buildings- there was not one soul around as I wandered aimlessly. Picture this- me in a power chair that I've had less than a week. All o...

I woke up this morning looking forward to chili for dinner tonight. Was out of bed, ready to prep the chili by 6:30. This gives me an hour to prep everything and get ready for the day which should have been okay because I showered last night. Wrong. Dead. Wrong. I often forget in the rush of the morning, that everything takes me forever! I took the meat out of the fridge and began breaking it up. That in it self took about 20 minutes- 20 minutes! Yikes, Jess, this is not going to be your day! Opened my cupboard, grabbed beans, diced tomatoes, etc. Another couple minutes because I had a hard time reaching what I needed- another post in itself! Attempted to open said beans and tomatoes via my electric can opener. And guess what? Spent another 20 minutes trying to open ONE can. Couldn't do it. Not even a crack in the lid. None. Zilch. For those of you keeping time, it is now 7:10. In fury, I get dressed, prepare for the day. In my chair. I head for the door, frustrated with no lun...

I woke up this morning with one thought- I am getting old! One of my girls turned 16 today and in just a few days, her sisters will turn 17! You see, I first met these angels when I was 13. At the time, they were on the verge of turning four and five. For me, it was love at first sight. I've always connected very well with kids and there was just something about the three of them. I soon learned that life was not easy for them. Their Daddy was not the nicest to them and their Mom tended to be very loud at times. Often I was horrified by what I witnessed and heard each weekend when spending time with my Dad. I quickly began spending each waking moment with them- laughing and talking to them, tickling and giggling, holding, hugging. They loved sitting on my lap and pushing me in my chair. I loved getting to know them, simply listening, taking it all in, and offering them stability and normalcy. We would spend many hours outside in the summer, at the playground, taking walks, being ...

Today certainly didn't start how I thought it would! Isn't it amazing how we become so easily swayed by events? It's not very often that I'm left speechless, but tonight as I reflect on the day, I just don't have anything to say. For whatever reason, I'm having a very hard time articulating my thoughts, but I think it boils down to this: after I begin to get close to people and open up, become friends with them, etc. I don't think I know how to be a friend, especially after a "goodbye." Not a real goodbye, per se, but I guess more of a change, if that makes sense? Because of various events over the years, I'm always worried about becoming a burden. I honestly don't know what a real friendship actually looks like anymore, and as a result, tend to shy away from further contact. I know this probably makes no sense. Trust me, I'm just as confused! Right now, this is what I need to do to process the events of the day. I don't like en...

I had the opportunity to go home this past weekend in order to say goodbye to my sister who is heading off to Nebraska in just a few days. When in church on Sunday morning, something  was said that I just can't let go. "How will people remember you at your funeral? What will be the first thing that is said about you?" Although I have heard this many times over the years, it really hit me this time. If I were to die tonight, would you remember me as a Christian who seven years ago rededicated her life to the Lord, someone who's shared the gospel with you, no matter what the cost? Up until about a year ago, this was the case. I venture to say, actually I know , some of you have never heard me talk about my faith. This is something that is very unsettling to me. When in the world did I stop caring about someone's eternal future? Is my faith really that embarrassing to me? Sure, I still have my standards and convictions. Most of you know  that I am a Christian, ...

In my  experience, and that of those who I've talked to, many individuals with disabilities struggle to relate or connect to their peer group. As a child growing up, I always preferred to talk to th ose who were older than I was. Don't get be wrong, I had friends my age for sure, but  by and large if put in a group of people, I will automatically gravitate toward older people. By older, I mean 10+ years my senior. I just really struggle to relate to my peers. I really, really try, and that makes it all the more frustrating! When going through school, especially in high school, it really began to hit me that I was socially awkward in this way. I found myself getting so caught up in relationships. I really thought that my teachers were some of my closest friends. It was so very hard for me to realize that these incredible people who I will forever be grateful for, were my mentors, not my friends. At this point, I am blessed to say that some of those relationships h...

The last six months have brought countless changes my way and I guess maybe this blog is my way to voice my  thoughts on such things as faith, friends, disability, and life. In writing this blog, my intent is not to build myself up or get people to feel bad for me. It is simply my way of expressing my thoughts. I hope and pray that by reading this, you will be pointed toward Jesus Christ, that you will more easily appreciate the little things in life, and maybe come away with the ability to laugh a little easier, even when life gets tough.